JaneMarie, a professional mistress over at SeekingArrangement.com shares her knowledge on how you can tell if someone’s cheating on you.
Reflecting on Valentine’s Day and all the happy couples that I saw flooding restaurants by the dozen I couldn’t help but wonder how many of them are genuinely happy?
Would you forgive adultery? Would you know if your significant other is cheating on you?
When I feel like something is wrong I always get this feeling rooted deep down in my gut to affirm my suspicions. And I think that people instinctively feel when something is wrong in their life or their relationships.
There is a rather poignant quote in J.D Salinger’s Catcher in the Rye book, where the main character is secretly in love with a girl who he loves to hold hands with.
“She was terrific to hold hands with. Most girls if you hold hands with them, their goddam hand dies on you, or else they think they have to keep moving their hand all the time, as if they were afraid they’d bore you or something.”
In the aftermath of it all, he senses how her hand starts to loosen her grip of him.
And this is exactly how cheating feels like. At least the initial feeling you get. When you feel your loved one slowly starting to fleet away.
There is this modern tendency nowadays in the women I meet to have already accepted adultery as something that comes with the package. They’ve given up on the idea that adultery is actually something that’s overstepping the boundaries of monogamy or that’s breaking the vows you’ve given the day you stepped into holy matrimony with someone.
If adultery was decadent in the past it seems that, in return, these days it’s decadent to expect fidelity.
The philandering’s of the modern day man is neatly portrayed in contemporary literature as well as tv shows, music and other creative outlets.
We romanticize men who cheat. By the same token, we forgive them.
But how does one reveal the knowledge of being cheated on? How do you face your partner? It is definitely a two-way street, since they can always say something in their defense. And you have to have clear evidence that it is so.
The stats of sleeping around
The Director of General Social Survey at the National Opinion Research Center (NORC) at the University of Chicago, Tom Smith has spent years conducting research on the topic of extramarital sex. He has taken into consideration a mounting, post-1988 data stemming from the academic and popular polls on the subject.
Finally, in a 2006 paper, Smith reported: “The best estimates are that about 3% to 4% of currently married people have a sexual partner besides their spouse in a given year and about 15% to 18% of ever-married people have had a sexual partner other than their spouse while married.”
The data states that the 13 percent of 18 to 29-year-old Americans who would cheat rises to 20 percent between 40 to 49 year old people.
The thing is the percent of people who cheat with the percent of people who find it deplorable is inversely proportional. People like to think of themselves as moral.
“According to polls, slightly more than 80% of Americans say that extramarital sexual relations are always wrong.”
According to polls conducted by CBS News in 1995 and by Gallup in 2008 compared to 1971: The 30% figure of people who responded that know someone who cheats rose to around 55%.
Modern technology has enabled adultery on several fronts.
Finding a partner for casual, consenting sex is easier than ever with apps such as Tinder or Bumble. These apps target and cater to the younger portion of the population. People that are not as likely to be married. However, there are platforms that cater to married people as well.
SeekingArrangement.com is one of them.
“Meet millions of members by joining our site in as little as 5 minutes. Add a photo, define your terms, and explain your arrangement expectations. Our average member finds their ideal arrangement in 5 days.”
Mistress extraordinaire JeanMaire, who is one of SeekingArrangement’s most desired mistresses, revealed the motives that she feels make people resort to cheating.
1. They loose interest in sex
Do you end up rejected after you’ve tried to initiate some sexy time between the sheets? If you feel like your partner has a sudden loss of libido, it’s probably because “they’re getting it elsewhere”, says JeanMarie. She suggests that you “give them a massage, make their favourite meal and see if those actions make any change” If you happen to get some after this, there still might be hope for your love life. If not….
2. Something’s off with their working hours
In the opening scene from the season 5 premiere of Mad Men, there is an excellent point being made on cheating and how you can use your work as an excuse to cheat.
“There’s a point when you go from going home on the 5:25 to the 7:05”, says one of the characters. In the era of 60s, countryside living, NY-commuting working men who used the commuting schedule to their means.
Heavy workload, private phone-calls and business trips are just a few of the things people use nowadays to enable their sexcapades.
“You can tell when things have gotten especially deep when they suddenly take several business trips or calls to let you know they’re sleeping at friend’s houses after a late night”, warns JeanMarie.
3. Cash missing from your joint account
“This is a very telling sign of a man with a mistress”, according to JeanMarie. Smarter people deal in cash exclusively when adultery is the case.
4. Won’t leave their phone out of sight
Constantly texting? Goes into the other room to talk? Gets irritated at a random message? Hiding the screen? They might be indulging with someone else.
5. Straight Up Lies
“If there are inconsistencies in their stories, call them out on it. Usually, they won’t expect it and have to tell the truth or speak in a way that makes it obvious to you that they’re lying.”
Of course, this is not to make you go crazy and accuse your significant other of cheating. Just giving you the heads-up on some of the more obvious clues.
And as was said earlier, deep down you probably already know.